What We Going To Do Today Brain?
“Same thing we always do. Try to take over the world.”
The Brain said it all. You can all go back to bed. No point in wasting another breath. Last night was the day after the sudden departure of two of my least photogenic molars.
I had dulled the pain with Tylenol 3, the heady mixture of acetaminophen and codeine. The evening of the Extraction, I was forced to take refuge on the couch, not wanting to keep my dear Michelle up all night due to my restlessness.
I get this itch on my toes. There is nothing to see, as I have looked. Still, the itch sends the signal to my Brain. Scratch. Come on, scratch. You know you want to. You must!!! SCRATCH!
So I spent the night on the couch. I say the night, but to be more specific, I should say the next two hours - as the dog woke me at 1am to take a walk in our quiet neighbourhood. My neighbour was coming home. I nodded and said Good Morning! Or should I say Good Evening? Those Dad jokes never get tired.
After our walk, it became apparent that Devil Dog wanted to walk all night. I fastened her diaper on tight and put her in the bedroom with my wife and closed the door.
After all, it is bad enough having two snaggletooth molars extracted without also losing sleep over it.
The next day, which was about 4 hours later, I tentatively gargled with Himalayan Pink Salt and warm water. No blood! My body has incredible powers of rejuvenation. Just the day before I had Blood Tongue.
You are not familiar with Blood Tongue? It’s the condition when so much blood is leaking in your mouth that your tongue becomes coloured that dark red colour of Blood. I would laugh if it wasn’t so painful.
Which brings me to the substandard opioid I was prescribed for pain. The past 24 hours, the painkiller was always a few steps behind the pain, never gaining control. And believe me, I know this is just the start. There will be lots more pain in the next few months.
By early evening, after consuming a diet of pudding, water, frozen mango popsicle, ice cream, scrambled eggs ( cooked harder than I had intended), and a chocolate milkshake brought to me by my favourite Rock Star super couple, Scott and Shelley, I was watching The Dropout with Michelle.
The itching began to bother me more. I was scratching my head. My neck. My shoulder. My head, my neck, my shoulder. I remarked how itchy I was feeling. Michelle said, “It’s the opioids.”
Makes sense. I grabbed my portable hand computer, aka phone, and googled opioids and itch. Then Tylenol 3 and itch. Then acetaminophen and itch. Oh no. Up to 25% of people can have a skin reaction to acetaminophen which can be fatal!
I read on. Well what was it, the codeine or the acetaminophen? Michelle advised me to call the nurses hotline. I frantically looked for the information sheet among the folders of printed handouts from the Cancer agency.
WAIT, I thought. You are overreacting. It is just an itch. Yes but 25%…..Maybe the pain is not so bad. I will quit the Tylenol 3’s. I force myself to go to bed and fall asleep because I was exhausted from my day of recovery, my lack of sleep, and the inarticulate painkillers and enlightening conversations.
I woke at 6:45.am. Which is sleeping in for me. I quietly got up not wanting to wake the Demon Dog. Less than 10 seconds and I hear the familiar skittering of her nails on laminate. So I have a morning pee, brush my remaining teeth, and put my shoes on. I will have to walk the Beast. I remove her diaper which has become an anticipatory event- what prize do we get today?
Poop.
I walk her, put her in the bathtub, clean her up, then dry her ( which is not as easy as it sounds), and put on a new diaper.
Time for pudding.
Pudding one foot in front of the other.
Maybe try banana cream pie? The pudding dad joke at the end was stellar. I think Devil Dog is trying to remind you how important and needed you are. Those pups are wise.