“Well, there isn’t a Judy”

"There's this thing that happens where people, if they know my music, will come up to me and they'll kind of assume certain things about me like they know me. It's uncomfortable, because they're often like, 'Who's Judy?' and I'm like, 'Well, there isn't a Judy.'" Andy Shauf in the Exclaim magazine interview.

Since my diagnosis of throat cancer, I have been writing about Lump.

Who is Lump says the reader who is new to THIS IS NOT MUSIC!

Well, there isn’t a Lump.

Wait! What do you mean there isn’t a Lump? Let me it back up. Yes, there is a lump, and I have given my lump the name Lump. But the opinions of Lump are not necessarily my opinions. Lump has a mind of his own. That is because Lump is a character that I created, to voice the cancer in my body. Characters are entitled to their own voice, in fact, they are entitled to having their own universe. And the cancer, like the coyote, is just living their own existence.

“No moral imperative informs the narrative here. Feline delicacy coyote Bon a petit!”

Lost Cat- Dennis Mills

A friend wrote me after reading a recent post. They were very concerned. I assured them that Lump is very dramatic. I’m just trying to make sense of the left turn my health has taken. I have no clue how serious all this is, but I have a feeling that after this Thursday, the whole picture will be a bit more clear. On Thursday, I go to see the radiologist oncologist. I also will have PET scan, which is a full body scan that will show the doctors exactly where in my body the cancer is.

Presumably, at this appointment, I will be presented with a plan of action. A few weeks later, I will meet with a medical oncologist who will explain some medical options, i.e. chemo.

At least we are looking at options. Options are good. When my friend Lenore was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, the doctors told her to consider her spiritual options.

I am writing this from the comfort of my bed today, as I feel kind of crappy. My stomach is tipsy turvy. Too much acid. Too much gas. Too much. I have a lot I’d too much these days.

I am listening to Andy Shauf. Have you heard of Andy Shauf? He is a real musician; he plays all the instruments on his records. He has eight records. Born in Estevan Saskatchewan, Andy has a voice that sounds a bit like Chet Baker. The music is gorgeous and haunting, funny, sad, the lyrics unveil his weird little stories. He is my kind of guy. Shades of Elena Mandell, Phoebe Bridgers, Paul Simon.

I love everything about these songs. Andy has created a character named Judy, or are they multiple Judys? He corrected the interviewer from Exclaim saying there isn’t really a Judy, meaning that a real person named Judy did not exist or inspire the songs. Judy is a manufactured character. Like Lump.

WHERE ARE YOU JUDY?

Gentle mess, water falling from two eyes
You looked at me, said it would be alright
City lights dazzled you away from me
I think we both knew that's how that would be

But now Charlie's in my left ear, blowing my mind again
As he's saying, "Did you know Judy's back in town?"
"I guess I didn't hear about that, how long has she been here?
I haven't seen her around"

I only miss her when the skies are above

Oh, where are you Judy?
Where are you Judy?

A telephone rings and I wish it were mine
With your voice on the other line
Telling me that you were sick of everything
Like we could pick it all up again

Now I'm in my left ear telling you lies again
Do I pretend that I know all the shit I did
And I know how I could fix it?
I wish we could start again
I think you would understand

I only miss you when the skies are above
Oh, where are you Judy?
Where are you Judy?

If you were in my left ear talking so sweet again

If you were in my left ear talking so sweet again
I would ask you, "Where are you Judy?"
Where are you Judy?
Oh, where are you Judy?
Where are you Judy?
Where are you Judy?
Where are you Judy?

Andy Shauf