The Tale of Argyle Yankauer and the Pink Lady

It is so quiet up here in the hospital. I was given my own room, and have left the chaos that is the ER.

There was minimal screaming in the adjoining ER rooms downstairs, but I did get to hear the staff ask a patient over and over again the same questions:

What’s your name?

Do you know your name?

When were you born?

What’s your birthday?

Do you know your name?

You are not getting in trouble.

We just need to look at your chart.

Did you have a fall?

I was able to see his face later for a brief second in early morning, say around 5. He had silver hair. A white male. Must have hit his head. Can’t remember his name or when his birthday is. They remind him that he is not in trouble.

The sound is always changing in hospital. Beep-beep! Breathing noises. Retching noises. Code blue! Mysteries and drama are everywhere. In the walls I hear children crying.

My tinnitus blends in a mix with the sucking sounds of the suction tube, a handy instrument I have in my bed to suck up the excess of ropy or thick saliva.

“ If your saliva appears white and thick, the culprit could be oral candidiasis, also known as thrush. This yeast infection appears as white patches on the tongue and mouth, and is most commonly seen in adults who have diabetes since the sugars in the saliva may lead to yeast growths “.

Also very common in patients who undergo chemotherapy.

The radiation alters your saliva glands. One symptom is loss of taste. Then you stop producing the sweet saliva, and the saliva you are left with, your survival saliva, it goes ropy, thick. You start talking like you are underwater. These conditions happen about the same time as when Kid Kemo knocks out your white blood cells Also the blood platelets get low. Platelets, or thrombocytes, are small, colorless cell fragments in our blood that form clots and stop or prevent bleeding. Without Platelets you bleed out. Platelets are made in our bone marrow, the sponge-like tissue inside our bones. Rich people like to eat your bone marrow. Bone marrow contains stem cells that develop into red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets. You can see why it’s only human to prefer to speak of Aplets, Cotlets, even sublets.

To summarize why I am here, the chemotherapy has compromised my marrow, with along production of white blood cells and platelets. I am wide open for possible infections. It’s an open market for superbugs. Take a wrong Turn, and you get cancelled forever.

Thankfully, they will keep me here for a few days, until they can stabilize my system.As such, I am very happy to be here among the care professionals, and not having to navigate this dodgy terrain by myself at home. It’s a regular Turkish Delight.

Today is day two. I just had the best conversation with my night nurse. He came to Canada three years ago. He had been a nurse in India and decided to come to Canada and start over with his education so he could get accreditation here. He thanked me for our discussion this Monday morning. I expanded a bit on my philosophy of life, and my great admiration for the healthcare workers in our Canadian system.

My day nurse is a young woman. Both of these people are here because they care. Their essence is care. And they perform small mercies everyday. But they are also people like you and me. They worry about affording to live here, they have love/hate with rain, they laugh at memes with puppies.

This is a photo of what they call a Pink Lady. It is a concoction of lidocaine that one swallows to numb your ulcerative throat and tongue. Magic Mouthwash Plus!

Down the hatch!

This is brand of suction tube. Argyle Yankauer. Sounds like a Character from a Thomas Pynchon novel. Old money. His father Covidien Yankauer made his fortune in mercenary support for government overreach. Argyle went to the best schools and universities. He met his wife at the best parties. She is a mystery woman named Lido CaIne, a woman he refers to as The Pink Lady. She has a numbing effect on others when she enters a room.

And that is how we do it here at This Is Not Music! Real life feeds writing world. I made a new friend in my night nurse. I made another new friend in my day nurse. I’m getting better at this friend making.

Along with my white blood cells, my filters are gone and my cover is blown.

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