THE SOFTENING
THE SOFTENING
It sounds like a horror movie. The Softening. A virus rages through a small retirement community in Florida, rendering all males over 50 impotent. But wait, it gets worse. The town doctor in Morning Woods, who is addicted to OxyContin, is writing scripts left and right for Viagra and Oxy. Gets mixed up, and puts them all on Ozempic. Now his patients are losing weight. At first just a few pounds, but then their limbs begin to soften, and fall off. They call in the CDC.
They are stumped. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
What is this virus? It looks like Rabies, but crossed with leprosy.
Where did it start? Where will it end? You can see where this us going.
They start calling it The Softening. Did you hear about Cal up the road?
His manhood, which had already gone soft, actually fell off. The transition was gradual at first, but then the liquefaction spreads. Rapidly.
Now The Softening has gone to their brains, which literally are seeping from all orifices, including their ears and eyes.
One old guy pukes up his brain. The Softening.
The Hard Truth is softer than you can imagine. The Softer They Come. Even their guns were no use. Armed to the teeth, they lost their teeth. Their guns went soft as well. Bullets shot out and would spiral to the ground, never once hitting the target. The town Elders meet to discuss.
The once proud state of Florida is now officially Lake Flaccid.
Welcome to global warming. This time it’s personal.
We see Greta Thunberg laughing hysterically. The Russians are pissing themselves. The President calls in the military, and his top Generals are adamant. We’ll have to bomb the hell out of Florida before it spreads to the rest of the 48 states.
The Softening. Coming soon to streaming! This film is currently only available on the Dark Web.
AND THEN HIS BRAIN MELTED
Years ago, a friend of ours worked in the hospital at UBC, and witnessed first hand the final effects of rabies on a man. At first, the symptoms of rabies may be similar to the flu, including weakness or discomfort, fever, or headache. There also may be discomfort, prickling, or an itching sensation at the site of the bite. These symptoms may last for days.
Symptoms then progress to cerebral dysfunction, anxiety, confusion, and agitation. As the disease progresses, the person may experience delirium, abnormal behavior, hallucinations, hydrophobia (fear of water), and insomnia. The acute period of disease typically ends after 2 to 10 days. Saliva production greatly increases. Spasms of the muscles in the throat and larynx occur because rabies affects the area in the brain that controls swallowing, speaking, and breathing. The spasms can be excruciatingly painful. A slight breeze or an attempt to drink water can trigger the spasms. Thus, people with rabies cannot drink. For this reason, the disease is sometimes called hydrophobia (fear of water). As the disease spreads through the brain, people become more confused and agitated. Eventually, coma and death result. The cause of death can be blockage of airways, seizures, exhaustion, or widespread paralysis. What my friend witnessed was that when the rabies is not caught soon enough, the patient’s brain melts.
Once clinical signs of rabies appear, the disease is nearly always fatal, and treatment is typically supportive. Less than 20 cases of human survival from clinical rabies have been documented. But wait! There’s more…..
Rabies used to fight brain cancer
An article in Science magazine from 2017 looks into the use of rabies to kill brain cancer. “Nanoparticle expert Yu Seok Youn and his team have engineered gold particles so that they have the same rodlike shape and size as the virus….The nanoparticles quickly traveled to the brain, where they accumulated near the tumor sites. The team then fired a near infrared laser at the nanoparticles, heating them to nearly 50°C. The light harmlessly passed through skin and bone, but heat from the gold particles radiated outward, effectively cooking the nearby cancer.
I can see it now. A small chain of BB-Q joints just outside of Key West. You can get in on this one at the ground level.
The Softening - a soft launch. Now serving Spicy BBQ “Nearby Cancer.”
Available Texas, Carolina, or Kansas City style. Spicy Brain Sauce complimentary. Try it with a side of White Gravy.
Call ahead to order as this one sells out fast.
Another brilliant piece...