Saint Denis of Paris

October 9 is the official day of the Feast of Saint Denis, who is one of the “14 Holy Helpers,” coming right before St. Hamburger.

The people prayed to him for his gift of healing for headaches, frenzy, hydrophobia, rabies, and for those who have been possessed.

The story goes that Saint Denis was martyred for his faith by decapitation along with two other priests. He then surprised everyone by walking for 4 miles holding his newly chopped head, all the while delivering a sermon, before he finally collapsed and died. While the actual evidence is flimsy, Saint Denis may have been the first Holy man to have actually talked his head off.

Since this Happening was in the 3rd Century, there are few recordings of Saint Denis. In fact they are considered very rare, and hidden in the cellar of the Vatican.

His hits were reportedly “That’s A Load Off My Shoulders”, “When The Going Gets Tough, One Neck Is Enough”, and “You Go To My Head (the least I could do was sermonize for four short miles”

Scholars are left holding the bag on whether or not St. Denis used any particular hair products, and secondly, did they have any bearing on his loss of head.

Back in the day, in Paris, the latest hairstyles came from Rome, and included the first known example of what was later dubbed “The George Clooney.”

What is generally agreed by both clergy and laity is that hair should be kept short, with a plaster made to lacquer said hair to the said head. Stylish Romans, as a sign of dignity and control, fancied these shorter styles. Politicians used artistic depictions of their hair to send a political message about how they viewed themselves, and how they wished their leadership to be perceived, not unlike a certain Ex-President.

To be fair, his mother did his hair for many years.

While hair styles have changed many times between the 3rd Century and today, the biggest revolution took place in 1973, when Gillette declared the Wet Head is Dead, and introduced The Dry Look.

We can all agree that, if the inspiration for the Trump bouffant did not come from his Mother, then it certainly came from none other than Match Game star, Charles Nelson Reilly.

BEFORE

AFTER

So today on the Feast of St. Denis, please bow your heads, and pray that we all keep our heads screwed on right and tight.

In a world of division and trouble, it is a blessing that we can all agree upon, that the difference between having a good head or not, is best demonstrated with the miracle elixir known only as Goodness, i.e. Guinness.

Have a Happy St. Denis Day, and keeps those cards and letters coming.

And a special shout out for all you lovely folks who send money or fruitcakes.

I cannot express just how much it means to me.