Love Letters

Everybody’s got something. Use this life for love.

Last night, Michelle and I had the pleasure of having Beau Wheeler come to our house for dinner. Beau is a dear friend whom we both love and adore. Truly one of my most favourite humans, he is also a very special artist. It was just a few weeks ago, that the Nightflower Orchestra was playing along with Beau at David Love Jones store Vinyl Records in Gastown.

Beau opened the show with their song Open Up Your Heart.

I said to him, “you made me cry.”

He said “you made me cry.”

Last night he explained again to me the origin of the song. The song was inspired by the life of a “friend of a friend”, who pushed himself to go further after enduring a health crisis. This friend of a friend went on to live and challenge himself to the fullest, becoming each day more and more daring, until one day, they received news that this friend had crashed a helicopter into a mountain.

Step into the light.

Step out of the shadows.

“You only get one shot out of this barrel

You only ever come this way but once….”

Since 2015, but probably before that, I believe it’s been many lifetimes, we had the good fortune to know and love the amazing Beau Wheeler. They have a voice like no one else. He has almost no need of a microphone, as he is possessed with a voice that is extraordinary, unique, literally earth shattering. Certainly glass shattering.

He adds “the sauce to the chainsaw”, a phrase Beau introduced to us last night.

If you love someone, don’t fight it.

All you gotta do is open up your heart.

Beau has a new album coming out in June, and a big show planned for the Roundhouse. They just released a record in February called Tiny But Mighty. A great song on that one is Monstress. Don’t be surprised if the next time you hear it, the title might be Monster.

Beau is like that. They identify as trans, meaning in this case, they are running this ship. Society can suck tiny, but mighty balls, because there is special sauce on the chainsaw.

Get it?

No?

Beau doesn’t care. Beau knows Beau.

I don’t care either. We only get one shot out the barrel. We only come this way but once. So our lives must be lived in a way that is true to our innate nature; in other words, we all have a right to feel comfortable being ourselves.

I’ve always seen sexuality manifested as a long continuum. Where you find yourself on that continuum is predicted long before you are born, it’s in your genes, factory coded in the genome codes. It’s in your hair, your dna, the way you walk, breathe, and yes, love.

Gender is also that way. The mainstream concept of gender has been used to divide humans into two teams. One always has the home advantage.

Do you have any guesses which one has the advantage? Another Goddam man. Gender is used as a means to separate people into two camps, with two washrooms, two binary boxes. Gender is the structure of M and F.

But what do we get when we jam the M and the F together? Up against the wall, MFs. Life is the fast lane, life in the gray zone.

Trans is when your “inner you” is more “you” than the outer you. Why is that so hard for people to understand ? The same folks who shout about freedom, want to deny freedom to anyone who doesn’t drink their Koolaid.

Anyone who isn’t exactly like them. Matchy-Matchy. You must fit into the boxes we have created. Trans is living outside the box. You can do that while living in the same box you came in. Or you can make your own box. After all, the box is the present. And it’s just a box.

Trans has become a social conservative wedge issue, creating a target for those who possess a very limited and narrow view of right and wrong, right and left, woke and unwoke, unspoken and enshrined, appointed and driven.

Speaking of driving, all this fuss, this fizzling jizzle is a detour. The road not taken. This is not a choice, or a whim. It is not the flavour of the week. For some people, including my friend Beau, trans is breath. It is not easy. Every human has to breathe, eat, live, die, use the toilet. So why do we accept that some people don’t get those same choices?

Fundamentalists, including the hypocrites who call themselves spiritual beings, want to manufacture an image in your minds for trans people. As I sing,

“You took the fun out of fundamentalism, you nearly had me at jihad.

It’s no joke that you ‘re so woke, you even canceled Dad.”

These fundamentalist feelings are toxic, and they do nothing positive. They are here to distract us from the big picture. We need to calm the fuck down. There is a much longer perspective, built over lifetimes. We need to give ourselves fifty miles of elbow room.

I’ll climb down from my soapbox, because I’m not trying to change anyone here but myself.

If we keep rubbing those sticks together, we’re bound to start a fire.

We had great conversations last night. Michelle made a great dinner. The theme was unplanned, then we realized that we were eating fish tacos on Cinqo de Mayo. Beau brought the Earnest Ice Cream.

During dinner, Michelle and I took a trip down memory lane, telling Beau our “ origin” story- how we met in an acting class. .

It is really something to recall a journey that has encompassed over 48 years. I first met Michelle in 1975. Yes, 48 years we have known each other in this lifetime. There have been other lifetimes.

This cancer journey has been humbling, yet beautiful in a way. I have had so many great conversations lately with all of you, reminding me of the gift of friendship.

Many of you here reading this are my friends. And if you weren’t already, you are now. I want to say how much I love the comments, and I encourage you to comment.

I am very thankful to all of you who have generously committed to a paid subscription.

Please know that all content will be free without a paywall. It’s my ship and that’s how I run it. Also know this: every paid subscription takes me one step closer to retirement.

That’s why I kicked this post off with Love Letters by Ketty Lester. Last night we were speaking with Beau telling her our love story, and I thought of the love letters that Michelle wrote to me so many years ago. I kept them. I cherish them. Every few years I read them, and I remember the good times and the hard times.

And those love letters, and these love letters help me to know I’m going to get through this.

Thank you for reading.

Lyrics in bold are by Beau Wheeler.