Happy 44th Anniversary

I’m not sure who took this photo, but it was on our dinner before getting married in 1992. I love that look of love and excitement and a bit of apprehension. If you can’t guess, I adore this woman.

Last night around 11:43, I was taking my evening meds. I crushed the amoxicillin in some soft tofu, and downed with Resource meal replacement, as I had been doing the past 5 days, as the pill was huge. I then hid the Cipro in the amoxicillin tofu. I took the 12 hour hydromorphone. I took my rosuvastatin and ezitemibe. I then gargled with the nystatin and magic mouthwash, swallowing both as directed. Then so went I brush my teeth and noticed that both of my feet, although predominantly the left, had swelled up maybe twice their normal size.

We spent the next hour trying to leave messages at BC Cancer and called 812, the nurses hotline. A nurse spent another hour taking down information only to give us a non- functional number at Surrey Memorial, and nit an emergency line for BC Cancer. So we went to the ER. It was a four hour wait, so we gave up and came back home. I slept from 3 until 7 and note that the swelling is down, but still not quite back to normal. Get out the compression socks.

My thought as the swelling was not red, and did not travel, and my temperature was normal as was my blood pressure, was that I had had an allergic reaction. It was 1:43 in the morning when we arrived at the ER. There was a 4 1/2 hour wait time. It was a bit of a zoo. So we decided not to subject ourselves , but to return home and try to sleep.

In the car, Michelle turns to me, and says with all seriousness, Happy Anniversary, as the night of July 3 had now become the early morning of July 4th, our wedding anniversary. We picked that day because there was always fireworks, and it was US independence, which seemed ironic to our Canadian sense of humour. Needless to say, we both laughed and held each others hand tight.

31 years ago we were married in her Dad’s backyard, after 13 years of living together. We had actual first met 5 years before the decision to become a couple. So we have known each other for 49: years now. Our “ starter“ marriage has held up to many challenges, most notably me. Michelle saw something in that crazy punk with the intense eyes. She believed in me more than I believed in myself. Please note that I hope I have this all correct, but there could be gaps, or dates that are wrong. It’s how I roll. But I think I fit it right.

We first met in an acting class at Capilano College. It was 1975. She had graduated the year before from high school, and I was still in high school grade 12, my senior year for Americans reading this. I was bored with high school, and had just finished an eye opening drama camp at the University of Victoria, where we performed A Midsummers Night Dream. I had met all the theatre weirdos from all over the province, stayed in co-ed dorms, danced naked in the ocean, and discovered Roxy Music in the library there, listening to For Your Pleasure non-stop. Some of those friendships have continued some 48 years later.

The acting teacher at Capilano was Kayla Armstrong, and later she introduced us to her husband Robert. They were from New York, adding to the charm and excitement. I would drive my Mom’s Comet from Richmond to North Vancouver every Monday night. I met my friend Robin Mossley there. We did Edward Albee’s The Zoo Story, about a chance encounter in the park. Jerry and Peter. Peter was the straight guy, and Jerry was the “ crazy” guy. In a casting choice that played against types, Robert had me play Peter and Robin play Jerry. Written in 1958, The Zoo Story is a one-act play by American playwright Edward Albee. Albee’s first play, it “explored themes of isolation, loneliness, miscommunication, social disparity and dehumanization in a materialistic world.” Of course it did.

“Peter is a wealthy publishing executive with a wife, two daughters, two cats, and two parakeets. Jerry is an isolated and disheartened man, desperate to have a meaningful conversation with another human being. He intrudes on Peter's peaceful state by interrogating him and forcing him to listen to stories about his life and the reason behind his visit to the zoo.”

Spoiler Alert: By the end of the one act play, roles reversed. Peter ends up stabbing Jerry, and his safe life is changed in a way he could never imagine.

By the way, Michelle was a very good actor, much better than I was. She was going out with someone then, and I was in high school. I would next meet her 3 years later at Langara in their Acting program. I started there in the fall of 1977, and a Michelle was in the class of 1978, starting in January.

Somewhere that summer I made the decision to quit, as I had spent a night in a lighting booth, not being able to see Patti Smith. When my actor friend Michael came back the next day, going on and on about Patti, I knew I could not miss something like that again.

I also felt I did not have enough life experience to be an actor. I wanted to start a band, and sing, write and perform, without someone else telling me what to do.

Fast forward to 1979, and July 27. Pere Ubu was playing at Robson Square.I looked in my little black book, and saw her name. I thought I should call her, and I did, and our first date was to see Pere Ubu.

The show was later sold on Bandcamp as an authorized bootleg. I then invited her to see see my band AKA at Rock against Prisons.

It was a wild night, that threatened at one point to get violent with the arrival of some bikers, as many of the early shows featured violence from those people who “ didn’t get it”.

So I said I would take her home, which was her Dad’s place in a North Vancouver. Being a generous sort, she said you don’t have to go home. You can stay.

Well, this boy fell in love. Hard.

Later, she thought I was too intense, and we didn’t immediately re-date,

But I was nothing if not persistent. A spare room in our collective house came up, and I offered this to her with no strings attached. Who was I kidding? Living in the next room? No strings? There were strings. A whole orchestra.

We got back together, and then I fucked everything up by going home with a girl I didn’t know for two nights. Now everyone hated me, with reason.

But in January of 1980, on my birthday, we got back together, and this time it stuck.

We said jokingly say that we would stay together until something better came along.

Well, nothing better ever came along. Over those 44 years, we learned a lot about each other. Dennis and Michelle. Michelle and Dennis. We were a pair. I was still an immature pain in the ass, but through it all, she saw more in me than I did in myself.

In 1992, we decided to finally get married legally after common law living together for 13 years. I was overjoyed when she said yes. About 9 months later we had Tamara, our beautiful daughter. A new chapter opened.

In the past three years, we have had many life challenges, specifically my health issues of a triple bypass and now cancer. We have grown closer than ever. There is definitely not something better, as that would be impossible. She is perfect. I am still here, and have a certain charm I am told. It is an incredible feeling to know someone so long and be in love more than ever. A deeper love that comes with time. Not many get to have this. I know his special it is.

Here is to many, many more years with my very best friend, Michelle.

I love you more than “more” itself.