Go Into The Light
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the sign taped to the asphalt road, reading Caution! Slow down, which I imagine is intended for drivers, not walkers. Yet a driver of a car would not see the sign, as the sign would then be under their car. Perhaps a bicyclist or one of those daredevils on an e- bike- silent and deadly. A friend of mine was run over by one last week on a quiet street in the West End. Two “gentleman “ on these contraptions, one sailed by her, while the second one mowed her down.
Fortunately, she did not incur any serious injuries- no broken bones, no concussion. This is not funny, as concussions can ruin your life. Another friend of mine suffered a concussion, falling on an icy road, which lead to her losing her relationship, sinking into a depression, which further lead to a morning when she no longer woke up, a decision she made on her own, the fact that living was no longer an option in her mind, her pain insurmountable.
Back to the sign on the road, literally left on the road, a small sign approximately 6 inches by 8 inches, I wonder now how it was that I saw it.
Today I am waiting for my right eye cataract operation, the left having gone first about a month ago. As I look through the left eye, the world is more clear, in focus from a distance, more blurred up front. The right eye, which still has the cataract, presents a yellowed view. Not blurred or obscured by the cataract, but aged, yellow like a nicotine finger or a smoker’s white room, which is no longer white, but dusty and dingy.
After today, both eyes will presumably be on the same page, both seeing approximately the same vision, no longer requiring my brain to fill in the blanks.
Our brain is plastic they tell me. I am not sure what the recycling code is, perhaps a 7, which I think means “other”. Plastic meaning elastic, impressionable, constantly receiving new stimulus, responding in kind. Most brains respond in kind. Some respond only in cruelty, as that is the world they choose to inhabit and inherit. Evil or misguided?
I always choose to live in a world that knows redemption, not cancelation. There must always be a road to redemption, a pathway that begins with hope and leads to promise. That is the world my brain chooses to see, to imagine, from the corner of my eye to the great beyond.
Vision is more than what we literally see. Vision includes things we cannot see, or can barely see. The dim world- dim and dimmer. Exceedingly darker, more harsh, more cruel, grasping to impose a certainty that breeds both fascination and fascism.
I had the fortune of meeting Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart in 1981, backstage at the Commodore Ballroom. I caught him mid- thought, somewhere between pontificating on Wyndham Lewis and the Vorticists, and recalling a previous show in Vancouver in the 70’s. He turns in my general direction and mutters something about “higher and lower mathematics.” I feel I am being dissed while not being bright enough to know what the hell he was going in about. I stopped doing math after algebra and before trigonometry or calculus.
Has this omission compromised my future? I will never know, will I?
I am safe in my dimness. I see what I see. Later today,
I had my right eye done about five years ago, will be getting the left one done in another year. I guess my cataracts aren't as bad as some so I guess I'm lucky.
As no doubt was impressed on you, it is supremely important to follow the strict regimen of applying all the various prescribed eyedrops at the appropriate times. I hope all goes well for you...