Fuck Cancer???

Photo by Bob Hanham

Fuck cancer.

Do I have to get the tattoo? Buy the t-shirt? Sell the t- shirts? I bought one of original silver bracelets that said fuck cancer, and on the inside said embrace life. It is buried in a box in my closet, tarnished with age and non-wear. Several years ago, I made the purchase to support my friend Susan Fiedler, who designed the fuck cancer embrace life bracelets. Susan had been a big fan of my band Rhythm Mission in her youth in the 1980’s.

F Cancer Embrace Life is a fundraising initiative conceived by Susan Fiedler. Wanting to put her experience and connections to good use in the world, Susan created the F Cancer bracelet to raise funds and awareness for cancer causes. Since creating the F Cancer bracelet in 2008, more than $300,000 has been raised.

Susan survived her cancer scare, and she is still exploring the world sixteen years later. She is an inspiration. With her bracelets and other jewelry and projects, she raised lots of money and awareness. But it wasn’t as simple as that. There were other folks who also wanted to fuck cancer, or more correctly, wanted the right to use that phrase exclusively. So a court case ensued over the right to use the phrase Fuck Cancer, if that phrase could ever be trademarked. You can read more about that case here: The court case to settle the right to use f cancer and it’s derivatives

Hopefully it’s still legal to use the phrase in the context of this discussion. Everybody says it. Fuck cancer. And when they say fuck cancer no one means to take it to bed.

One does a lot of research when you find out you have cancer. You have to learn a whole new language. You learn lots of acronyms. Not so many emojis.

This emoji looks more like a 69 over easy. Maybe fuck cancer does mean let’s fuck…cancer. Note to self- get on that cancer emoji bandwagon. This 69 over easy cancer emoji is more astrological. My cancer is not my ass or my astrology.

More likely, Fuck Cancer means let’s fight cancer, because we all know cancer is the enemy. Cancer is bad. Are there even any good cancers?

A good cancer is defined as benign. JAMA ( Journal of the American Medical Association) states: “Benign tumors are those that stay in their primary location without invading other sites of the body. They do not spread to local structures or to distant parts of the body. Benign tumors tend to grow slowly and have distinct borders. Benign tumors are not usually problematic.” A benign tumour is a type of noninvasive cancer, a cancer that knows it’s place. Malignant tumours are the bad cancers. They need to travel. They crave adventure and world domination.

Malignant.

Sounds like a horror movie or a heavy metal band. Or a Disney character. Perhaps Malignant is a witch. Are you a good witch or a bad witch, so sayeth the Munchkins.

Malignant must be a bad witch. But which witch is which? That is the role of the biopsy. They take some samples. It sounds like a hole punch. In some ways, it was a hole punch. Certainly a reality check. Carcinoma is another word for malignant. “Girlfriend in a carcinoma, I know it’s serious”, so declared a young Stephen Morrissey, who then thought better, and put her in a coma.

People ask lots of questions. How big is your cancer? How BIG is yours? It is not a contest, but it is a common question. Is your cancer a grower or a show-er? I’m the grower type, a punk with attitude. Of course my cancers are rebel cells. As Johnny Cash famously sang, ”I been everywhere.” Actually at this point, it appears my cancer is centred in the throat and on the neck. It is loosely called a head and neck cancer. Flip a coin. Heads or necks? But what comes next?

Fuck cancer is stated as a declarative shout into the void, a raised fist shaking at God, who in this trope identifies as a white bearded man in the clouds. Fuck cancer is giving the finger or just generally getting in the face of the enemy, which presumably is cancer.

But what or who is this enemy, and why do we want to fuck with it?

Is this phrase “ fuck cancer” simply a rallying cry? An empty threat?

We gonna fuck you up cancer. We gonna fuck you up good. You will wish you never decided to settle in our body, raise a family, have some head or neck of cattle on your big spread. With the simple words Fuck Cancer, we are issuing a statement that we will not be taking prisoners in this sacred battle with the evil forces of the rebel cells. We will not be signing autographs, or selling collectibles.

But I’m a lover, not a fighter. Remember Lump is family. And this is a journey that I guess we ( Lump and I) need to go through. Put on your hip waders, Billy, we’re going cancer hunting, and aim to land us a big one. It could get messy before it is over.

Let’s summarize what we have learned so far. Cancer is bad. Cancer is a bunch of rebel cells within our bodies. These anarchist cells like to grow and multiply or in the cancer lingo, metastasize.

Metastasize is not what one says when ordering a drink at the Keg.

Would you like that Keg size or Metastasized? Are you liking your first bites?

How we doing tonight guys?