FREE

Today has been a long time coming. This year started with a certain gravity, and foreboding. There was a lump. Remember Lump?

In March, my cancer was confirmed with the results of a biopsy. More tests confirmed the original cancer was in the base of my tongue. It had spread from my tongue to the lump on my neck, placed inopportunely near my carotid artery, grafting on to the muscles in my neck. The Ear Nose Throat doctor put a scope up my nose to see it. He thought it was too risky to try operation, and recommended radiation.

Radiologist oncologist concurred, as did the chemo oncologist. A plan was made.

In May, I began my treatment. Seven weeks of radiation and chemotherapy, in a process known as systemic therapy. During that treatment, I lost thirty pounds. I also lost Lump. I wrote all about it. If you are here for the first time, you can go back and read my Cancer Diary.

In August my treatment was completed, but the effects of the treatment were brutal. I had lost 30 lbs. I was having a hard time getting food down, due to gagging and nausea from the chemo, complicated with sores in my mouth and my tongue, which was fried by radiation.

Here we are two and a half months later. Two weeks ago I had an MRI, and this past week a PET scan.

In the interim, I suffered a whiplash injury in late August, where I was rear ended. For the last two months, I have been trying to get back to some semblance of normal, hopefully better than normal.

Welcome to a new me.

This Tuesday, I met with the oncologist to find out if we had been successful in eliminating the cancer. First, my radiologist guy is off on sabbatical for three months, and the guy replacing him was then replaced by another new guy. The appointment started off with me weighing in. I was 163 lbs. Fighting weight.

My wife Michelle was with me, to support me, as she has so beautifully done for so many years. We were both there to hear what we hoped was good news. To be precise, I was waiting for the radiologist to say, “Dennis, you are cancer free.”

But the doctor is late. His toddler is not wanting to leave their house. Yes, my cancer update is delayed by a toddler. So to fill time, I’m filling out a survey from the group doing a study that I had agreed to be a part of. Then the nurses are asking me questions.

How was I doing?

Ok. I’m still having dry mouth and some issues with swallowing, most likely related to my lymphedema. I said I’ve been drinking lots of water. Maybe 3-4 litres.

They ask if I have seen the speech therapist lately.

Yes, she went through some exercises and strategies to help with the lymphedema.

Later in the day I get a call from the speech therapist. It sounded urgent. The nurses had made it seem urgent. You get used to the rollercoaster of urgency and not knowing that is cancer.

They leave the room. Finally they lead me alone by myself down the hallway to an examination room. Except this room is not ready. The Covid cleanup crew is wiping it down. So we are diverted to a second room.

Soon the doctor joins me, explaining about his recalcitrant child. No problem. I say.

He says I hear you are drinking a lot of water for your dry mouth. He cautions. If you drink too much water, you can have brain seizures. Have you been tested for sodium in your blood? I will have you get. Blood test after.

He relays that the MRI and PET scans were all clear. No sign of any remaining cancer. “We didn’t see anything.”

He did not say cancer free, he said we didn’t k see anything. A qualified yes. But it’s all about getting to the Yes. And we are near the Yes.

I’ll just take a look down your throat.

He does that by inserting a scope with a camera up my nose and then down to the throat.

Hello Mr. tongue.

I am gagging because of the camera going down my throat. If you’ve had a Covid test, you know what it is like having something go up your nose. Well, hold on, because now we are pushing further to visit tongue land.

ThIs the third time I have had this procedure. It is far from pleasant.

I am gagging, choking, coughing. The good doctor is looking for signs of the cancer.

Your tongue looks very symmetrical.

That equals good news.

Nothing here to see. Let’s move along now….

It is over. He says I will meet with my actual radiologist oncologist in January. Then the next test is 6 months later. After that you wait a year. After that, every year until year five. Then, at year five if we still don’t see anything, you are what we call cancer free.

So am I cancer free?

They didn’t see anything.

He also didn’t say the magic words “cancer free”.

As I am prone to do, I will hear what I want to hear.

And I heard them screaming I was cancer free.