Blue Rinse Punks

Four years.

That’s all we got.

Four years.

My brain hurts a lot.

Joe Biden sings Bowie.

Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

It’s supposed to be five years, Joe.

Four years, five years. Phooey.

What’s all this fuss about my memories?

Memories, sure. I had a few. Who didn’t.

We all were drinking whiskey and rye. . .

Then I put my teeth back in, and I bit off a few more.

So hard I could barely chew. It’s not like back in the Big One.

‘Nam. Korea, Iwo Jima. I was there.

Joe Sings, “I know a gal who came from Lima.

Lima, Ohio. Oh me oh my Oh.

She made a fine Lemon Pie- oh.

Hair like Meringue

higher than ……a kite.

Kite high. Knee highs. I skinned both shins coming out of the shower.

……I swear he had boobs. I touched one on a dare.

Then he punched my clock. Clock, I said clock. Don’t put words in my mouth.

My old pal, the Captain, he used to look me up and down, and mutter Higher Mathematics. Then turning away, he spat out Lower Mathematics.

Did I know what he meant? It was Greek to me. Like separating the men from the boys. How did that one go? ……A crowbar…A Muslim, a Rabbi, and the Pope walk into a bar…..

Oh Joe, you still have all the punchlines. You just can’t remember the set up.

No one said it would be easy.

Did you know there are 60 cities named Lima?

My good friend Bill Burroughs once shot a monkey in Peru.

Had an apple on its head.

What did you expect? The apple was asking for it.

But back in the Big One….we smoked a little wacky tobaccy. Heh. Heh.

God, the muscle cars we drove back then.

I had all the best black light posters on my block.

And the girls we drove around.

Rode them like ponies.

Someone said Mary Weiss died. She was the last Shangri-la standing.

Remember….the sand in our pants after the walk on the dunes….

Who says I don’t have memories.

I could have been a Captain in the Air Force, if they let me just breathe.

I couldn’t breathe. The whole war. I held my breath. For ten years, I had asthma.

4 times. 5 times. I forget. Had a student deferral. A stutter and a referral.

I was deferred. It felt like a rejection, but a deferral is not a denial.

Denial is river in Mexico.

Doesn’t mean there was something wrong with my application.

No, I applied myself, no matter what I did. You know, you don’t have to be a military man to fight a war. It’s easy.

Just push a button.

Crazy like a fox. Christ, they bred them like bunnies. Wars, I mean.

The Jews have a word for it. Talk to my boy BeeBee. He’ll tell you what, I tell you what.

Dad gum it. Too bad. He died in the war. Major. you see, Major was a rescue dog. He wanted to play. I was just getting out the shower, and there I was, naked as a Jaybird, and “I'm joking, running after him and I grab his tail. And what happened next was he slid on a throw rug. And I tripped on the rug he slid on."

Broke my damn foot. I had to put my foot down. I mean Major. I had to put Major down.

Now Commander, he was a hero. Such a hero. He was the wrong son.

Anyway, I was talking to my friend CeCe. What a character! A bit of a Gypsy.

Did the Mexican Hat Dance on an old Jew with a wheezing accordion. Wheezed just like I did for my deferral. The squeeze box never worked after that.

As President, I sign the papers. I’ve done great things. Signed many papers. Way more papers than Trump did. I took some home. The ones without any red marks. On one of them, I got a B+. Don’t be sharp. Don’t be flat. Be natural.

Remember Mr. Natural?

I heard this rumour going round.

He blew his mind out in a car.

Get it?

A car. And they say I’m not funny.

I’m a fucking comedian.

And now the fuckers have shutdown the muscle cars. What were they thinking? No Challengers in South Carolina. I won that one by a mile. What we used to call a Texan smile. Wide as the Rio Grande.

There was a little Mexican boy like that kid from the black velvet painting. He was swimming on his back, and one of those Texas drones shot him in the night as he was swimming. We rounded up the rest of his family, but that poor little guy, he didn’t have a chance. That fucker Abbott. He lined the river in barbed wire.

Did I tell you that we took down all of Trump’s Paint-By-Numbers?

The bowl of fruit. The jazz donkey. I think Melanie painted that. Scratched it out with her brand new key.

Trump had Girlie photos in the green room. Even on Air Force One in the bathroom.

I heard he did it once with a kangaroo down under.

There were so many pockets that he couldn’t find his phone.

They got mad at me for that. Losing my Executive phone. The one with the button.

I have a new one they gave me. A flip phone. Old school, as the kids say.

Blinken has the button one now. What? Do you think they gave Kamala a button?

A zipper. Zip it, they said. She had her own flip phone. It was pink.

They never gave Trump a flip phone.

He had a couple of coconuts. That’s what I heard.

Try tweeting with a coconut Donald!

He never liked dogs. He was the only President who didn’t have a dog.

I was the guy who brought dogs back to the White House.

I made America bark again.

I brought dogs back to the White House because the grown ups were home.

The people felt safe. After all that crazy shit, I brought calm to a broken nation.

I feel like a nap now.

Funny, you don’t look like a nap.

I got a million of them.