Always Crashing In The Same Car

Car crash in China on a bridge. Sensational over representation of modest homegrown crash. In my case, only three cars were involved. No one was dramatically hurt.

As if having a triple bypass and cancer wasn’t enough, today I was in a car accident. I was driving to work, when the car in front of me slowed, then stopped. I stopped as well. All of a sudden I got hit from behind, rear ended, pushing my car right into the car in front of me, rear ending them.

The woman in the front car jumped out of her car screaming “FUCK ! You just hit my brand new car.” Then she realized that the person who caused the accident, not me, was in fact her friend from work. Soon they were hugging. They said let’s get out of the roadway, as they just worked in the next block. We exchanged photos, licenses, insurance etc. Everyone was ok. My trunk is dented but still closes, and the back bumper hangs a bit from the car.

I got to work and called Michelle. We couldn’t believe my bad luck. I then went to call the insurance company. Apparently it is all done online, so for the next half hour I spent my time filling out forms, connecting to apps on my phone. I received a call from the insurance company later in the morning, saying they still had not determined who was at fault, as the last person to file was the women in the car that hit me, causing me to hit the car in front. Later in the same call, she received the final report from the women who hit me, admitted to being 100% at fault. Which is good news at least, as I don’t have to pay any deductible.

I called Honda to see if they did body work, and they referred me to the parts department, who said there was quite a delay in body work. Still they got me an appointment for an assessment tomorrow at another operation at the end of town.

Later Michelle and were talking and she said I needed to be aware of not bringing bad energy to myself. I said don’t speak. Not a word. I said it was like when we’re driving and we are not allowed to say the a-word. She said, “ Anus?”

I started laughing so hard as the a-word was of course accident, not anus. That’s why I love her so.

As we age, our bodies face lots of trials and tests of will. If you are over 50 and some part of your body doesn’t hurt, well, you may not actually be living. Pain is a natural occurrence. “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” Last night the pain came. These incidents that rock our world play out increasingly as we age. How we deal with the pain is the question. So far, it is manageable, but I’ve been in accidents before, and the effects do not always appear immediately.

Part of aging gracefully is keeping yourself flexible, softening as my yoga teacher advises. Not soft and flabby, but supple and breathing. Relaxed and ready. To achieve these goals takes much effort, both physically and mentally.

People who experience heartbreak arm themselves, they build up walls and develop layers of hardness in the hope that it will protect them from possible pain. This armour can manifest as withdrawing into oneself, adding layers of protection. You feel cold so you add a sweater. Then another sweater. Then another sweater. You can barely move now as you have on so many layers of sweaters, but you feel protected. Sometimes the sweater is a beard. Sometimes the sweater is compulsive eating. Our armour manifests in many ways.

For a lot of people, their car is their armour. The phenomenal increase in SUVs or cars of that nature are part of this trend toward layers and perceived protection. What is the psychology of the giant pickup trucks, Mr. Ford Ram, with the metal testicles hanging from the rear bumper. How insecure is that person who needs such reinforcements?

Conversely how brave is the cyclist or the motorcycle driver? My mother in law worked at a hospital, and when she saw motorcyclists she called them overtime. But a lot of motorcyclists call it freedom, and it’s hard not to admire the speed and movement, and thrill of that type. It’s not just transport, but transformation.

For me, I don’t have that type of attraction to thrills. Strapping myself to a couple of boards and hurtling down a mountain of ice never had an appeal for me. I took a motorcycle for a ride around my neighborhood as a teenager. I was wearing cut-offs, bare feet, but I did have a helmet. My brother’s best friend owned the motorcycle and I sat in front and he was right behind me. It was going well until we came up to our driveway and I could not understand the instructions on how to stop, and proceeded to crash into the light post in our front yard, sheering it off, and landing in a clump on the driveway.

Cars provide a bit more armour than a bike or a motorcycle, helmet notwithstanding. So when we get into an accident in a car, it’s a violation. We feel violated. Betrayed. But wait a minute. The bumpers are designed to take impact. Which is what they did, both on the back end and the front end. The airbag did not go off. No glass was broken. No bones were broken. The car as armour worked. It did its job, absorbing most of the impact. So I should feel grateful, not victimized.

Glass half full. Glass not broken. What’s next?

We keep on ticking. We keep softening, because being open is the key to a longer survival. Becoming fearful will not solve anything, will not make anyone feel better. It was just a thing that happened.

Compartmentalize this. File it. Under A. Which stands for what?