A Boy’s Life

When I was a young child, I joined a group called the Cub Scouts. As a part of that membership, we received every month a magazine called Boys’ Life. Note the placement of the apostrophe. This was Life Magazine for all the Boys.

At the end of each issue was a page of jokes. Groaners. Bad jokes. Future Dad Jokes.

Through this Cancer treatment, I have been very fortunate to have a good functioning pair of kidleys.

Don’t you mean kidneys?

I said kidneys, didle I?

That is a Boys’ Life joke.

Like the two little morons who were standing on a cliff.

One fell off.

Why?

Oh, I guess he was a little moron.

More “on.” Get it?

I took that same joke, expanding it into a Thomas Bernhard short story for my university writing class.

The Two Morons of Heligoland

It got so bad, my family would hide the magazine from me, so as not to be subjected to my reading these bad jokes every night at the dinner table. But from that bad seed, grew the Dad joke.

Where did I get my sense of humour? As a Canadian, I was born with it to some degree. Think of the great comedians of last 30 years- so many Canadians. Kids in the Hall, Second City, Saturday Night Live, The National Lampoon.

Who did I inherit this bad taste? My granddad died before I was born. He had a glass eye, or was it a wooden eye? Either way, he would sometimes retake it out at the dinner table according to my Mother, now that is dedication to a joke.

I have been using his cane recently. Or Stick as they called it. Grandad’s Hickory Stick.

I use it to keep myself steady walking, as my balance and blood pressure are affected by the weight loss.

When I was a teenager, I had a subscription to National Lampoon as well. Collected them, along with Heavy Metal magazine, and then every music magazine under the sun. From Rolling Stone, to Spin, to the NME, to OPTION to OP, to Under The Radar, Melody Maker, and the granddaddy of them-Creem. Boy Howdy.

My love of writing grew along with my love of reading. Lists. Dice games. Baseball stats. Willie Mays. Strata-O-Matic Baseball. Go back in my archives… it’s all there.

This is the foundation of Dad Jokes. And today, being Father’s Day, I get to be celebrated just for being a Dad. We celebrate Mothers on Mother’s Day, and Fathers on Father’s Day. But what skill does it take to be a Father, a Dad?

If we had truth on advertising, shouldn’t we call it MotherFuckers Day? Isn’t that what we did? Well, it might have started with that, but to be a Dad, you have to earn it. Long hours. Low pay. And Love.

We try our best. We try to bring out the best in our children. Allow them the room to breathe and grow. To become their own person. That was my philosophy. Just as my parents let me make my own mistakes, I have tried very had not to overparent.

My daughter has turned out wonderful. When she graduated from high school, and had to pick a phrase that described her, she wrote down “ Colour outside the Lines.”

I was over the moon. I had done my job.

She was her own person. She was going to be ok.

When she was born, I was so happy that we had a girl. I really hadn’t wanted a son. Too loaded. I mean, I did want one, but that was in the fantasy of two kids, and after having one kid, Michelle and I decided one was good. Rather, Michelle decided that, as she was the one having the children. Sometimes you have to defer. That is definitely one of those times.

I was speaking with Michelle last night, concerned that I am still losing too much weight. She said I need to eat more. Drink more. She’s sensible like that. It seems I get caught up in this writing, and forget to eat. That is why I am up at 4, and writing. She suggests I reward myself with the Dopamine high I get from writing AFTER I eat. Fat lot of good that does when you are obsessed or motivated or creatively struck at 4 in the morning with dad jokes about kidleys.

So I’m up, and I am one finger typing on my iPad, thinking about dad jokes, and daughters. Below is a link to an instagram story she just posted. It will probably be gone by the time you check it out. Kids are like that now. Everything has an expiry, and the expiry is already due. Shelf life. Best before. But if you are lucky, check it out. I’m pretty proud of her.

Daughter jokes